Today is the first of many days that I will focus on relaxing, why today? Well it’s my day.
What have I done today? I learned about NTP, SSH, Networking, Linux, OpenBSD, myself, a little about love, and a good bit about Life.
It’s interesting that out of chaos beautiful things can happen, it’s sad that sometimes chaos has to spawn said things, but that’s ending up to be a part of life too. Yesterday I took the opportunity to watch the Movie Driven, excellent movie. I had watched it years before with my Girlfriend at the time but wasn’t in a mature state to understand much beyond the driving and fast cars. No worries, now I am in the position to remember those lessons, I support the idea that truth is contained within us and at times we can unlock it as well as it unlocks to help us. Yesterday was one of those times. I realized that no matter what, being myself is my greatest strength and should have always been my focus. I say this carefully, as there are lines around being myself that I’m still learning. The paradox (the challenge fluctuates) is how to be oneself without doing it at the expense of oneself and others? It’s a deep question, I’m still working on it but I’m not letting it hold me back.
So today, watching The Expendables I relearned the lesson of self value – I’m not perfect, but I’m worth it. The quote was derived from the scene where Christmas tells Lace “I’m not perfect, but I was worth it. You should have waited.” Not jumping to any conclusions in the current situation of life, but just asserting I am Worth It! Bet your ass! 
Ok, so Driven yesterday – there is a lot of things going on and I have been worried about a number of them one is about Love. Sometimes I struggle with certain parts of the concept, but I know that the day will come that I will have the opportunity to work on Love, real love, with a special person. I savor that day already, but there are important things that must come to fruition between now and then.
Faith – I’ve been told recently by a number of people that I need to focus on my Faith, they mean “Go To Church!” There is nothing wrong with Church or Religion, they are important establishments and facets of Life. I am at the point right now I don’t feel that excersizing my faith in worship of an Established Religion will increase the faith I need/have in myself. Go and do that which you love, I am focusing on myself so that I can improve the love I have for myself, the faith I have in myself, and by so doing will be best equipped to love those around me, to love those I will be put in the position to help in the future, and to have enough love to continue to love. I’m a lover people
This is an interesting post for sure, it’s not “normal” for me but it’s an expression of myself.
Watching the Expendables there is another scene where Mickey Rourke is talking to Sly about a fictitious experience in Bosnia where there was death and destruction but he was presented the opportunity to try and save a womans life before she jumped off the bridge. I don’t remember the complete quote but in the process he says he was actually given an opportunity to save what was left of his Soul, not save himself but the small bit of what was left living in him. I find it interesting that Sly would write something like this in the movie as it was an extremely vulnerable part in a very hardcore movie, but he does do it well. While getting some food today I realized this [below] after watching that:
At the end of life, when brought before the judgment bar I wonder and doubt that we will be asked if we have regrets. Doesn’t seem very merciful to ask a pointed question like that from a loving God at first glance, but now as I think about it it may very well be a merciful question. My hope today is that I will not have the regret of not being myself in this life. I believe at some point on the other side we will come to know ourselves truly as we were and are, what happens after that is pure speculation and I don’t need to get into that. When it comes to gaining an understand of who we are I think this is where the regret question, if asked, could be one of mercy. When it is asked is the key, if asked before we come to know who we are and were one may say they do regret who they were, the consience at the time may come down hard on the person for all of their mistakes and shortcomings, there will be pain and agony as this rushes piercing the soul. But, as the realization dawns that this experience is not meant to be a damning one [hopefully] a merciful God can enlighten the soul with the understanding of who they really are. Seeing that in all of their shortcomings, in all of their faults, they were simply an eternal being having a mortal experience and regardless if they tripped or fell or made mistakes that they learned. That as their awareness of reality matured that they didn’t run and try and escape it, that they stood their ground and they fought for what they knew, they fought for what they loved, and they took the lessons learned from these fights and they internalized them to continue to stand their ground, to expand and to love. That is why I think we may very well be asked that question.
Ok, random ‘religious’ dive into some deep stuff. Stick around it’s good stuff to me and I hope to have more.
Twitter – Something I realized today is that guy who built Metasploit is actually following me on Twitter, that’s wicked cool. I generally attract spam bots that I block, but people like Amok and Cronoo are following me, and eSecurityPlanet which has cool Security articles and info. Who knows how long he will follow me for (looks like he is following a ton of people). I like Twitter, it has some great people on it and though I’m still learning how to sift through a bunch of things people tweet about that have no meaning to me I feel there is value to be had.
On that note I will share this – There is a lesson to be learned in Everything, whether it is one of “Never do this again” or we take the time for the Universe to talk to us, value/love/miracles are out there. More often than not we miss them but hopefully very rarely do they miss us.
~Paul